Ever get this feeling that something is going on right in front of you but you can't put your finger on it? Yeah, having one of those situations right now. I know I've been through this all before and it got resolved but something tells me it's going on again. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of questioning in my mind if what is going on is sincere or not. Why do I always questions my feelings and feelings of others? What did I deserve for this to happen? Really? Am I that bad of a person?
But the swing side of this is that I don't want to confront anyone about it, just in case that I'm wrong. Because if I wrong, that would destory me inside. I don't want to be wrong about it and lose everything.
What have I done in my life that was so wrong that stuff like this happens? And people think that I don't realize that it's happening? Stuff like this has happened before. So why am I letting this happen again? Seriously, am I that much of a screw up and a bad person to deserve this to happen?
I know that I should place blame on this but I'm going to. I blame the fact that I am a child on divorce on this. I read somewhere that children of divorce have a hard time in relationships. Sometimes I wish that I could go back to the way things were almost 2 years ago. Well two years ago this May. I never felt happier than and would give anything to go back that. Ever since Jan 09, things have progessively gone down shit mountain. I just want to be back where I was happiest and things were good. Have I done something in the my life that doesn't warrant me to be happy?
Maybe I should go back to the way things were about 2 years ago, at least then I knew where I stood and I found ways for myself to be happy. Whether or not it damaged my self esteem or not.
Doesn't everyone warrant to be happy in there life?
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Uhhhh
I feel like crap.....again.....went to work last night and my throat started to bother me. Came home this morning with a bad sore throat. Second time I worked at that station and came home feeling like crap....this sucks
Monday, September 28, 2009
Eh, fairly good past few days
For some reason, today I've been in a fairly happy mood. Nothing really different than any other day but just having a happy kinda of days.
Been trying to think of something profound to say but nothing really is coming to mind. Trying to think of what to do with my life after college and nothing really is coming to mind. I would love to go full-time at work but I have no idea if that's ever going to happen. Nothing really has come to mind of what I can do. Any major that you have in college is having their own problems in the ecomony. When I was a nursing major, they said that there will be a nursing shortage 10 years after we graduate. I know there are nursing majors that don't even have a nursing job because no one is hiring people right out of college. Psychology majors cannot really do anything unless they have a masters or higher degree. So what is there for any of us to do?
.....who knows?
Been trying to think of something profound to say but nothing really is coming to mind. Trying to think of what to do with my life after college and nothing really is coming to mind. I would love to go full-time at work but I have no idea if that's ever going to happen. Nothing really has come to mind of what I can do. Any major that you have in college is having their own problems in the ecomony. When I was a nursing major, they said that there will be a nursing shortage 10 years after we graduate. I know there are nursing majors that don't even have a nursing job because no one is hiring people right out of college. Psychology majors cannot really do anything unless they have a masters or higher degree. So what is there for any of us to do?
.....who knows?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
An oh $h!t day
Back in May, I started having issues with the part of my body that you see a GYN for. Got surgery to remove polyps for down there and they found pre-cancerous cells. I saw a GYN cancer doctor yesterday and found out that, it's semi-serious stuff. Because I'm overweight, I have an excess amount of esterogen in my body. To balance everything out, I need to start taking pregestrone and lose weight. If it goes untreated then it would turn into cancer. Doctor said that there is an 85% chance of turn this around.
If cancer isn't a good reason to lose weight, then I don't know what is.
Today was just a day that I think that everything started to sink in. Growing up in a generation where you believe that things can hurt you and then finding out that you may end up with cancer, wow....heh....don't know what else to say. It just felt that: come on, I'm 22....people our age don't get cancer.
I know what I have to do to get the weight off. My biggest enemy in this is myself. To know what I have to eat compared to what I want to eat. That's going to be the hardest thing for me. I'm 270 pounds and I would love just to weigh 200. It's going to be hard. But for my health's sake, I need to lose this weight.....
If cancer isn't a good reason to lose weight, then I don't know what is.
Today was just a day that I think that everything started to sink in. Growing up in a generation where you believe that things can hurt you and then finding out that you may end up with cancer, wow....heh....don't know what else to say. It just felt that: come on, I'm 22....people our age don't get cancer.
I know what I have to do to get the weight off. My biggest enemy in this is myself. To know what I have to eat compared to what I want to eat. That's going to be the hardest thing for me. I'm 270 pounds and I would love just to weigh 200. It's going to be hard. But for my health's sake, I need to lose this weight.....
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