To be or not to be?

Ever get this feeling that something is going on right in front of you but you can't put your finger on it? Yeah, having one of those situations right now. I know I've been through this all before and it got resolved but something tells me it's going on again. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of questioning in my mind if what is going on is sincere or not. Why do I always questions my feelings and feelings of others? What did I deserve for this to happen? Really? Am I that bad of a person?

But the swing side of this is that I don't want to confront anyone about it, just in case that I'm wrong. Because if I wrong, that would destory me inside. I don't want to be wrong about it and lose everything.

What have I done in my life that was so wrong that stuff like this happens? And people think that I don't realize that it's happening? Stuff like this has happened before. So why am I letting this happen again? Seriously, am I that much of a screw up and a bad person to deserve this to happen?

I know that I should place blame on this but I'm going to. I blame the fact that I am a child on divorce on this. I read somewhere that children of divorce have a hard time in relationships. Sometimes I wish that I could go back to the way things were almost 2 years ago. Well two years ago this May. I never felt happier than and would give anything to go back that. Ever since Jan 09, things have progessively gone down shit mountain. I just want to be back where I was happiest and things were good. Have I done something in the my life that doesn't warrant me to be happy?

Maybe I should go back to the way things were about 2 years ago, at least then I knew where I stood and I found ways for myself to be happy. Whether or not it damaged my self esteem or not.

Doesn't everyone warrant to be happy in there life?